Day 60 Morning — Surviving By Not Eating And The Hard Beauty Of Fiona Apple

On Saturday night, I had tickets to see Fiona Apple in concert at Largo in Los Angeles. Fiona almost never plays actual shows, although that trend of hard isolation seems to be changing. Lord knows the woman is hard on herself and needs to appreciate her own beauty and artistry. Seeing the show would be a nice change of pace from the lousy days I have been experiencing as the Interferon has been kicking my ass, but I did not think I was going to make it. Excuse the extremity of this description, but my ass literally was showering the toilet, making it impossible to keep anything inside and dehydrating the shit out of me. I realized the only way to survive would be not to eat for a day and drink only water. There was a storm raging within, and I did not want to destroy the concert experience at the intimate theatre by popping up every twenty minutes to hit the bathroom. I was in a tight spot to say the least

After taking some Imodium and not eating, I hoped everything would be okay. And luckily it was. This is the second time I have seen Fiona Apple at Largo in the last couple of months, and each time my breath was taken away by such artistry and generosity. But there is a hard beauty about watching Fiona perform because the woman is so hard on herself. A true perfectionist, she performs with some of the finest musicians in Los Angeles, and she clearly brings out the best in them. The idea that she sat around the house for years being hard on herself and being overwhelmed by expectations is just sad. And it makes me think how often I have done the same to myself. I do not have the talent or inspiration of Fiona Apple, but I believe I am tortured by similar demons.

What was beautiful to behold during the concert was how Fiona revelled in the music and how humble she was before the talent of her fellow performers. As a true artist, she loves the expression of the music, and she always seems amazed that anyone actually wants to perform with her. Her generosity as a performer is truly impressive and fills the stage with a sense of love and friendship. Rather than being focused on being a rock star and all the glittery importance of realized dreams, Fiona and her friends celebrate the music and the joy of being able to play with each other. And play is the essential word because it is like watching children playing in a sandbox, only instead of building sand castles, you are watching them recreate the Taj Mahal. Without question, Fiona Apple is indeed an extraordinary machine.

Extraordinary Machine is the name of Fiona Apple's last album and she opened the show with the title song. The lyrics are so beautiful and reveal so much about the artist and the nature of the artistic temperament. The words reflect the hard beauty of Fiona Apple as she chooses the narrow path and disregards the wide open way of hypocrisy and artistic compromise. Yes, the path she has chosen is much more demanding than Katy Perry's superstardom, but it has the authentic wonders of being her own path. I imagine Fiona Apple appreciates more than just about anything the taste of her own authenticity as she keeps to the path no matter what turns it takes or bumps in the road or the endless chattering and gossip of the birds in the trees. Here are some of the lyrics to the song...

I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb,
But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so
I can't stop changing all the time

I notice that my opponent is always on the go...
- But he's no good at being uncomfortable, so
He can't stop staying exactly the same

Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day

I promise you, everything will be just fine

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine 


I hope Fiona Apple can forgive me for butchering her son, but there were some specific themes that I wanted to focus on. I love the connection between being uncomfortable and changing all the time, challenging yourself to explore new territories within your creativity and expand the boundaries of your soul. From the perspective of my own difficulties, the idea of making the most of it no matter what happen is essential because that is the only way that I will maintain the extraordinary machine. The message of the song is that we are all extraordinary machines if we choose to be, but that choice means the avoidance of using the machine the same way every day. From your perspective, I might be dancing from disaster to disaster, but I know that if I stay true to myself, everything will be just fine.