Day 51 Night - Surviving First Dose of Interferon, Ribavirin and Protease Inhibitor

Yesterday morning (September 15, 2011), I went to my doctor's office and took my first dose of the Hepatitis C medication. It was a process that evolved from being very scared to be a-okay with the reality of what is happening. I have to take three pills of the Ribavirin twice a day, two pills of the Protease Inhibitors once in the morning, and shoot myself up in the stomach with the Interferon, so to speak because it is really just a quick little injection, once a week. Except for the Ribavirin, the drugs are all kept in a cute little red medica bag in my refrigerator. Chris Rice,  the very cool nurse I wrote about, showed how to inject the drug by actually injecting himself with saline solution. I thought this was ultra-cool and going above and beyond what was necessary, but it totally eased my mind. Chris also took pictures of me taking the first dose of pills and here they are...

John Lavitt Smiles As He Takes The Inaugural Dose

John Lavitt Downs Those Pills With A Certain Gusto

Washing Down the Pills, John Lavitt Battles Hepatitis C

Yes, it is true that Chris offered to take pictures as I injected myself in the belly with the Interferon, but we forgot to do it until it was too late. Considering the size of my belly and the kid-friendly nature of this blog (right?!), I suppose this was all for the best. Maybe you'll see that gruesome moment, which is much more gruesome in theory than in practice, in the future. It is amazing that when you overcome your fears, rely on a little prayer and meditation, and side with your faith, you can walk through just about anything with a modicum of grace and dignity and even a touch of humor.

I actually spent most of yesterday at the Bourgeois Pig - my local coffee shop hang-out - working and writing blogs for my SEO clients. Although I could feel the side effects coming on, I fought them off as long as I could and focused on the work. I wrote, posted in WordPress and optimized two 500 word business blogs while posting and optimizing a third. It felt good to do my work and show up for my clients, not allowing the indulgent fears to rule the day.

From the beginning, my greatest fear is that I would react to this process alcoholically. Does that mean I was scared I would relapse and take a drink? No, not really, because taking a drink is like putting a gun to my head. It just never seems like a viable option that makes any sense. What I mean is that I would relapse on my character defects, becoming self-centered and indulgent, basically slipping into the morass of self-pity. I so easily can become a Couchaholic, and I do not want to give in to that instinct.

What was strange is that I felt the sickness and the side effects coming on like a storm within my body as I was working. I mean, I did not feel sick and, in fact, I felt downright healthy. My pulse was 76 and my blood pressure was 125 over 88. Basically, God forbid, I am kind of normal. Not in great shape, not in bad shape, but somewhere in between the two. What seemed so uncanny was this sensation of getting sick because I was poisoned. After first taking the Interferon, I could feel a poison in my body. Perhaps this was my overactive imagination, but I don't think that is the correct explanation. My body has always been ultra-sensitive to externals, and I could sense something dangerous concentrated in my body. As the Interferon spread out, the concentration was less noticeable, but still a sense of something foreign. An invasion by a poisonous force, and such an invasion affects the totality and balance of the whole.

The Lord Poison Within Invading My Body, Lurking, Waiting

Fine, you are right; the above picture is a little melodramatic, but it gives the sense of what I feel within without resorting to Invasion of the Body Snatchers or Naked Lunch imagery, which unquestionably will come later. I just can't leave well enough alone when it comes to Mugwumps or Donald Sutherland. Still, despite the cramps in my stomach and a lingering sense of exhaustion present, I will survive like Gloria Gaynor, and I will not allow the challenges and difficulties of this treatment to rule the day or rue the day or dominant the gift of this sacred and beautiful life. I have been given an opportunity, a shot at the redemption of being here and now and feeling just fine in my own skin, and I will not toss such a blessing aside on account of a little discomfort. No, I no longer am that careless of a human being.