Okay, so I just woke up from the worse relapse dream I have had in years, and it was all about smoking cocaine and crack out of glass pipes, scraping the residue and scouring a wooden floor like a rabid maid for a dropped piece. In a most pathetic battle, I was fighting over the next hit with a friend turned devilish competitor. How disgusting and truly awful it was, and how grateful I am for the freedom of my sobriety. I was a slave. Let's not mince words, and I mean no disrespect to the historical legacy of slavery or the actual victims of the present day. But I was a slave to my addiction and it turned me into a monstrous creature, and I am so grateful to be free of those chains. Yes, this health crisis is a challenge, but it is a challenge that I face with the dignity and the grace and the fear and the wonder of my own authenticity. Not some grubby and pathetic crackhead willing to sacrifice anything for the next hit, but John in the seat of his own actuality, present for each challenge and ready to face whatever difficulties are to come. Sobriety and the gift of recovery has given me the blessing of being the captain of my own ship. Yes, this ocean is the provenance of God and I know who ultimately is in charge of the tide, but I take a deep breath, ready and willing to face the next wave with a smile.
|With Big Waves Rolling In, The Confidence of Being Your Own Captain|
|Agreed: High Fives Reserved for Epic Moments of Wonder|
More importantly, let's deal with one major organ at a time, focusing on my liver and getting rid of the Hepatitis C. Now I can move forward with the clinical trials, although it's going to take a few weeks to get off the ground. Convincing two hospitals to communicate with each other (Kaiser and Olympia) is kinda like beholding negotiations between rhinoceros and a hippopotamus. The Rhino jostles its horn, the Hippo opens a gaping mouth and not all that much actually gets accomplished. Ultimately, everything will get done and I will continue to move forward with the provess.
|Not the Easiest of Negotiations Between Hospitals - C'est La Vie!|