Day 187 - Does My Suffering Experienced During HCV Treatment Side Effects Provide Freedom From The Ghosts Of Primal Wounds?

On day 187, I return to Spirit And Consequences and make the promise to write every other day from now on. If I write more, that is fine. But I will express myself even when exhausted. And I smile because how I doubt this promise will be kept. My inability to maintain discipline and keep my promises to myself are the indirect results of my primal wounds that haunt me each and every day

There is a question circling my soul over the past few days, a sense of wondering whether the freedom I feel occasionally and speak of often is real or just words. Yes, even if I take the time and the effort to transform theory into actual practice, even if I try to ingrain a shift in perspective by making it a habit, do I truly receive freedom from the ghosts of my primal wounds that have haunted me for so long?

An Essential Question - Is There One Primal Wound Or Many?

According to the lingo of pop psychology and popular novels, there is only one primal wound for each of us. I am sure they believe the primal wound is centered around the parents, fueled by the almost century-old atmosphere generated by Freud and his followers. I understand how the idea of a single primal wound can be used to express certain perspectives and ideas like, for example, in the excellent volume of the same name that illuminates the struggles of adopted children and their primal wound of abandonment. But I would disagree with the belief that there is a single primal wound. In my life, I have experienced many.

Whether a result of childhood experiences with my father or at school, at summer camp or on the streets of Manhattan, those primal wounds all came during the many phases of growing up. Even as a teenager, when psychiatrists would claim the rubric of my personality was fully designed and installed, primal wounds arose and continue to haunt me to this day. It is ironic how the painful memories are so much harder to let go of when compared to the cherished ones. Happy memories seem to pass into the framework of our lives, hopefully to be replaced by more happy memories. But the primal wounds that infect our actions and warp our behaviors are ghosts that continue to haunt us until they are confronted, and there is a reckoning, a understanding, and, ultimately, an acceptance.

Are You Haunted By The Ghostly Shadows Of Past Wounds And Trauma?

Why have I been haunted recently by the ghostly shadows of my past wounds? Honestly, I would rather not say. I have been addressing a deep pain that came from my childhood, focused not on my family, but on my experiences at school. Of course, I also am infected by family wounds, but those seem easier to address. I still speak and interact with my family, not in person, but over the phone on an almost weekly basis. I visit my parents and sisters about twice a year, and they have been supportive of me during the rough times I have been responsible for putting myself through as an adult. 

As a result, such family wounds, even scars, can be worked on in an active manner. The experiences are not shadows because there are reflections of them in reality. Some of the wounds never heal, but I am more aware of how they affect me. In contrast, the wounds of school and childhood experiences are gone with the wind. They cannot be encountered again except in the shadows of memory.

Without question, I would agree that family wounds are the deepest and the most primal. But they are often repeated, then accentuated and transformed outside of the context of the family, and such new wounds, although similar, can become primal as well. The definition of primal is essential, fundamental, relating to an early stage of evolutionary development. Such wounds are  not just reduced to the first, but also related to heightening the first. If they deeply affect a person's evolutionary development as a human being, as a responsible adult, I believe they are primal. 

Beyond an argument over the number and placement of primal wounds, the question for me is whether the suffering I experienced during my HCV treatment side effects will provide me with the freedom not to be haunted and infected by those the shadowy ghosts of those primal wounds? I do not have any interest of spending any more time living with ghosts and having my actions warped by the shadows of those primal wounds. Do we not deserve more than a taste of freedom? Can John Lavitt free himself from the slavery he has imposed upon himself by allowing the infection of his primal wounds to continue and warp the vessel of his life?

The Bondage Of Self And Freedom From Our Primal Wounds

The first part of the Third Step Prayer in Alcoholics Anonymous goes like this: 

God, I offer myself to Thee - 

to build with me 

and to do with me as Thou wilt. 

Relieve me of the bondage of self, 

that I may better do Thy will.

I have always loved and identified profoundly with relieve me of the bondage of self. How exhausting is the bondage of self, how banal and repetitive and obvious. After so many years, I am so tired of being my own worst enemy because my perception and my resulting actions have been warped by the primal wounds. I wish you the very best in your own ongoing battle and I ask myself: Can I find freedom from those shadowy ghosts? We shall see...

Money Talks - If The Hepatitis C Market Is The Next Mecca For The Pharmaceutical Fat Cats, Who Will Win The Rat Race?

Is the Hepatitis C market the next Mecca for the pharmaceutical sector? If so, who will win the rat race: the millions of HCV patient with little or no resources or the pharmaceutical fat cats. It seems like the fat cats are salivating right now if we go by the flurry of activity and heightened interest in the HCV market. The Hepatitis C virus (HCV) market seems to have caught the eye of several pharma/biotech companies – as evident by the deals being signed for the development of drugs for the treatment of HCV.


Biotech rivalries are like bare knuckles boxing matches: two lone fighters battle until they are beaten and bloodied for the prize. But the hepatitis C market is turning into a battle royal that’s more wide open and unpredictable. The medical advances in hepatitis C have been dizzying this year, especially in what it means in terms of multi-billion dollar business implications. The safest thing to say is that there’s plenty of good news for patients this year, but that shareholders in the major hepatitis C drug developers had better hold on tight as a new standard of care gets established.

Pharmaceutical Companies Battling For Big HCV Profits

The Allure of the HCV Market
HCV is a hot development area which has come into the limelight with the launch of two new treatments – Vertex Pharmaceuticals’ (NASDAQ:VRTX) Incivek and Merck’s (NYSE:MRK) Victrelis. Both drugs gained approval in the US earlier this year. Incivek, which was launched in May 2011, posted a whopping $419.6 million in sales in the first full quarter of its launch.


With two new recently launched products in the market, why is the HCV market considered so attractive? Firstly, it is estimated that about 170 million people suffer from HCV infection across the world. However, the treated population is much lower. In major markets like the US, EU, Japan, Australia, Turkey, Canada, only 200,000 HCV patients out of a total of more than 12 million are estimated to receive treatment each year. This means a huge number of HCV patients go untreated, leaving the field open for new treatments. 


A 48-week course of both peg-interferon and ribavirin are the standard treatment for genotype 1 HCV infection. However, this treatment regimen is associated with significant side-effects like fatigue, flu-like symptoms, rash, depression and anemia. As we have seen with me, it is tough to say the least. However, let's not forget that my extreme side effects, the endless itching and pain of the rash, was caused by the new Protease Inhibitor and not the other drugs. Hell, in retrospect, the other drugs that I still take every week are a walk in the park in comparison. Yes, it sucks, but it is so very far from hell on earth.


With a large number of HCV patients failing to achieve a sustained viral response (SVR) on the current standard of care, there are several patients who would be open to treatment with new and potentially more effective therapies. These factors have made the HCV market an attractive commercial opportunity for pharma and biotech companies. It also has made it attractive to the millions of patients like myself with the American genotype. Suddenly we have a chance to live that has risen from about 45% to almost 80% treatment success rate.


Cocktail Therapy – The Next Big Thing in HCV
The goal is to change the treatment paradigm for HCV patients by providing them with all-oral treatment regimens. The aim is to develop a treatment which does not require the administration of interferon, thereby doing away with a whole range of side effects. The treatment duration will also be shorter. In retrospect, I wish I had waited until such treatments were available, but regrets are silly. I am powerless over the past and I cannot change it. All I can do is embrace health and happiness in the future.

The Financial Fat Cats Love The HCV Marketplace As It Opens Up

Who Will Win the Rat Race?
With several companies pursuing cocktail therapies for HCV, it will be interesting to see which of these companies will be the first to hit the market with a new treatment option. Hopefully, the rat race will help the millions of infected Americans and not just line of the pockets of the pharmaceutical fat cats.

No Big Headlines For Hepatitis C In The United States, No Awareness Campaigns: Millions Unaware They Are Infected, Millions Believe The Treatment Is Worse Than The Disease

Hepatitis C has never really captured big headlines in the U.S., as it has never benefitted from massive awareness boosting campaigns that have supported research for, say, HIV, or breast cancer. But hepatitis C has clearly emerged as one of the biggest opportunities in pharmaceuticals over the past few years. There are more than 3 million people in the U.S., and an estimated 170 million worldwide, with this liver infection that can lead to cirrhosis and liver cancer. 

How Did You Get Infected And Is There A Stigma?

What is insane is that most people have never bothered to get treated, partly because the infection takes years to fully wreak havoc. The other reason is the standard of care with a combination of drugs—pegylated interferon alpha and ribavirin—causes flu-like symptoms that last for almost a year, and usually cures only 30-40 percent of patients. Essentially, most people figure the treatment is worse than the disease. Combined with the millions unaware of the infection, the potential for a health catastrophe could quickly become a morbid reality.

While people on Wall Street like to embrace a simple storyline with clear winners and losers, the hepatitis C virus is one tricky adversary. Like HIV, it has a tendency to mutate and develop resistance capabilities, whenever scientists throw a new antiviral drug against it. So there isn’t likely to be a single magic bullet. The most likely route to success is with a combination of two, three, or maybe four antiviral drugs that attack the virus from different angles, making it much harder for the bug to mutate and escape one drug. Now that there is a safety net in the form of the new protease inhibitors, will the infected take advantage if it? And what of the millions unaware that they are infected? How can they be helped?

For the First Time, There Is A Safety Net For HCV. Will It Be Trusted?

The new Protease Inhibitors raised the bar very high, by getting cure rates up to around 80 percent. Doctors are certainly eager to get rid of the nasty interferon part of the regimen, but they will only do that when a new regimen can do at least as well on cure rates. Without question, the bar on the safety net is set quite high already.

Why The Silence? A Certain Malaise Sets In As The Hell Of The Side Effects Ends And Purgatory Is Restored But A Hero Is Reborn

I would apologize for the recent silence, but I honestly don't believe that such an apology is necessary. After going through the utter hell of six straight weeks of endless itching and intense pain, I find myself giving in to a certain malaise and ennui. Yes, purgatory is an utter pleasure when compared to the fires down below, but it is not quite a celebration and not quite an inspiration. I am tired and burned out to the bone as I struggle to retain a certain equilibrium within. It is strange because the rewards of such an experience are so much greater than the scars, but the scars and the damage of the wounds remain.

The thing about a hero, is even when it doesn't look like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, he's going to keep digging, he's going to keep trying to do right and make up for what's gone before, just because that's who he is.                                                                — Joss Whedon

I am beginning a new journey as I approach the end of treatment that I believe is successful and the Hepatitis C virus will have been eradicated from my body. But I still have another month and a half of Interferon and Ribavirin so I spend several days each week with flu-like symptoms and exhaustion. It remains difficult to eat at times and the indigestion is constant and the toilet is not my friend. But I have survived and I have learned lessons that not only cannot be taken from me, but will be maintained through practice and a loving focus. It is nice not only to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but to walk into the sunshine with the knowledge that another always awaits.

Faith Is The Realization That The Light Is The Gift Of A New Dawn

Do you recognize the hero within? Not only are you the main character of your story, but you alos have the power to define the genre of the story. It does not have to be a tragedy or a farce, it does not have to be epic or absurd. Your story is your own and you are the hero of its creation. Welcome to the freedom to define the journey of your name and your life.

Here is a new poem that I rediscovred and recently recreated... gotta love such a reenvisioning and a reawakening and a simple return because even if re is a prefix, occurring originally in  Latin, used with the meaning “again” or “again and again” to indicate repetition,or with the meaning “back” or “backward” to indicate withdrawal or backward motion, it still provides the ability to express the eternal recurrence of being a-okay. Here is that poem I mentioned above...

between

between the first step taken

and lying down on a leather couch,

between the opening of a door

and the turning of the bedroom lock,

between putting pen to paper

and checking out what’s in the fridge

fall the sunken eyes of ennui.

between the biting of a nail

and the opening of a fist,

between the twitching of a palm

and the raising of a thumb,

between the flapping of tongues

and the calmness of silence

stands the bright shadow of courage.

Night 145 - Innovations In Hepatitis C Treatment Definitely One Of The Major Medical And Financial Breakthroughs Of 011

Several other Protease Inhibitors are being developed as well, including the nightmare experience I had with the Protease Inhibitor by BI. Still, I believe I will be cured so it does work, and my side effects were more extreme than anyone else in the clinical trials. Lucky boy!

Drug Research Is Big Business: 4-6 Million HCV Infected Adults In The US

Overall, the innovation in the Hepatitis C treatment arena and thus the overall marketplace are nothing less than stunning. Within a few years, it looks like Interferon and Ribavirin will be removed from the treatment regimen, replaced by a Protease Inhibitor that covers all the bases. How great is that!

But let me be clear about my response to these incredible innovations. Despite the severity of my side effects, I am not bitter about my decision to enter the clinical trial and get treatment now. It was the right decision to make at the time, and my bad luck in regards to the side effects was just that - simple bad luck with no dark magic or evil curses. Hey, sometimes we roll the bones and we come up aces and sometimes we just crap out.

Such is life, and I choose to free myself from the burden of bitterness and regret. What's the point?! It's not like I was playing with loaded dice and got screwed. Sometimes the universe works for you and sometimes you work hard for the universe.
             I wish we had more control, but, as the French say, C'est La Vie!

If you choose to hold tight and carry the bitter weight of your regrets, do not ask why their no fluidity or rhythm to your life. What the hell do you expect when you are so overwhelmed by the horrors of the past that you sacrifice the freedom to live in the present.

Here is the article below about some of the new Hep C innovations:

2011 has brought patients with hepatitis C not one but two new groundbreaking medicines to treat the condition. Merck’s Victrelis (boceprevir) and Johnson & Johnson/Vertex’s Incivek (telaprevir) were both launched in the US in May. 

The drugs are both oral protease inhibitors, and promise to significantly improve treatment when added to the current standard treatments for the disease. An estimated 270-300 million people throughout the world have the disease.

Analysts predict Incivek will prevail because it has shown a higher cure rate, and a simpler and faster simpler dosing regimen. But Vertex, which has never launched a drug before, will have to overcome the might of Merck and its new US marketing partner Roche. 

Vertex’s belief in the superiority of its product is reflected in its price, which is $49,200 for a 12-week course. This cost is much higher than Victrelis, and is equivalent to the price of a whole 48-week treatment with Merck’s drug. 

Incivek has had the best start, earning $420 million between May to October, while the same period saw Victrelis earn a more modest $31 million.