The silence in this account of my treatment frustrates me because there are several blogs that I wanted to write, but I never did. There have been such tremendous shifts in my condition that I have been overwhelmed by the simple processing of the extreme nightmare of what happened and the strange awakening of being on the other side. Yes, I have three more months of the Interferon and the Ribavirin, and I am still exhausted and sick with those side effects. But they are nothing in comparison to the itchy of the rash and the intense pain of the staph infection. I am so grateful to only be uncomfortable.
When I found out that the pain was being caused by an undiagnosed staph infection for over a month, I could not believe it was happening. I mean, when it rains, it truly pours on this guy. I kept thinking about the lyrics to Blur's Song 2: WOOHOO! When I feel heavy metal! WOOHOO! And I'm pins and I'm needles." I was so angry that it shifted me into temporary surrealism where I just wanted to scream out: "WOOHOO! I got a staph infection. WOOHOO! What the hell is next?" It is downright unnerving that the doctor from the clinical trials saw me every week and two dermatologists examined me, and I told all of them about the pain and the weird feeling of a bubble beneath my skin, but they did not swab for a culture and have the rash examined by a lab. It feels like malpractice to me, but I have to let it go.
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| Already the worst seems like a blur of hell on earth and I damn well survived! |
Once I started taking the antibiotics just over a week ago, the Staph infection cleared up in about four days, and I began the healing process. Being off the Protease Inhibitor, I was free from the poison that damaged my body and tore apart my skin. Yes, I will have scars and the healing process is slow, but it is such grace to know that the nightmare is over. I cannot tell you how difficult it was to survive. Over time, I will venture into looking at how such an extreme and traumatic experience - six straight weeks of 24-7 itching and pain - has changed me. A curse and a blessing, it has to be looked at slowly, with patience, and the understanding that I have a long road of treatment and healing in front of me.
Beyond the nightmare being over, perhaps the best news is that the treatment actually worked. My Viral Load, which is the amount of the Hepatitis C virus that is in my blood, started at 20 million units, and doctors recommend treatment for most people at over 2 million units. Last week, when the clinical trials were unmasked and my current viral load revealed, the virus was undetectable in my blood. In conjunction with my liver functions returning to normal, it looks as though I will be healed. It is not a 100% certainty by any means, but it a bet that I would be happy and thrilled to make in Las Vegas.
Today, I was able to wear blue jeans for the first time in over a month without pain. For six weeks, I have worn pajama bottoms and sweat pants, but nothing else could be tolerated. Around my apartment, I have almost thirty bottles and jars and sprays and tubes of lotion, ointment, cream and anything Rite Aid offered to treat any kind of itch. Today, I finally removed several of these from my refrigerator. I no longer need the emergency cold because my skin is no longer screaming. Once again, I cannot tell you how grateful I am to be walking the actual road of my life with some semblance of normality. I do not know exactly where the path is going and naturally fears loom, but I choose to stay in gratitude. This is my road and even if it is difficult and challenging, I am so happy to be walking it again.
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| When you feel forsaken and fighting to survive, the road seems so far away. |
Okay, that is all for now. It is late, and I have an important work meeting tomorrow. The hardcore drone of Blur has been removed and now that sweet song of the Beatles echoes in my soul: "I'm doing the best that I can (ooh) I admit it's getting better. A little better all time (It can't get no worse) Yes, I admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time... Getting so much better all the time."
Although it is coming in the future like a cool wind in summer, I have to let you know that my gratitude is connected to being so thankful for the people that came through for me: my family, my neighbors and my close friends. I could not have made it without their love and support! I will never take such kindness for granted and I will never forget such blessings. Thank you again!
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